Late night convenience store raids may never be the same. It was announced this week that the folks that bring us Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread filed for bankruptcy. Hold your tears.
You wanna know why? Could it be Americans are making smarter diet and snack food choices? Be real. Probably not. The reason cited is their production model is too costly, due to legacy pensions and union restrictions. They simply cannot keep up with customer needs because of the excess weight it has to carry and the inability to change quickly.
So. Let me get this straight. The company that provides products that make Americans fat, lethargic and generally unhealthy is being destroyed by people who have made the company fat, lethargic and generally unhealthy? That is almost too ironic to be true.
2 Fun Twinkie Facts:
There are 39, yes, THIRTY NINE ingredients in Hostess Twinkie.
The Twinkie defense. The man who fatally shot Mayor George Moscone and Harvey Milk in 1979 obtained a verdict of manslaughter rather than murder after arguing he was not fully responsible for his actions because he sunk into a deep depression. This was evidenced by his newfound love of junk food. A noted psychiatrist testified that on the night before the murders, the defendant “just sat there in front of the TV set, bingeing on Twinkies.” Could it be that the innocent-seeming blond Twinkie is not merely bad for your health, but could be an accessory to murder?
I guess one way or another, those things will kill you. I rest my case.
Pork+Meat Glue+Cult following=McRib
Now you know the equation. But do you know what the hell ‘McRib’ is?
If you knew, you might think twice about bee-lining it to the drive thru to get you some piggie love. First off, it includes “restructured meat product” and a flour-bleaching agent used to make the soles of shoes. Delectable? You ready for this?
How many ingredients does it take to make a McRib? Holy Cow! Er, Pig.
At first glance, the sandwich contains just pork, onions, and pickles doused in BBQ sauce and laid out on a harmless bun. But the truth is, there are roughly 70 ingredients. The bun alone contains 34. In addition to chemicals like ammonium sulfate and polysorbate 80, the most frightening may be azodicarbonamide — “a flour-bleaching agent most commonly used in the manufacturing of foamed plastics like gym mats and the soles of shoes.” According to McDonald’s own ingredient list the bun also includes calcium sulfate and ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, among other chemicals. Whaa? I’ve never seen those ingredients in my recipe books AND they are banned in Europe.
You know what they make those things out of, Chet? You know? Lips and assholes! (The Great Outdoors,1988) Or, as it’s called, this “restructured meat product” includes pig bits like tripe, heart, and scalded stomach, says Whet Moser at Chicago Magazine. (Scalded stomach???) These parts are cooked and blended with salt and water to extract proteins, which act as a “glue” that helps bind the reshaped meat together. (There’s that famous meat glue again!)
Is it really that bad for you? Need you ask? Though “slightly trimmer than the Big Mac,” the McRib, still packs in 500 calories and 26 grams of fat. And despite its name, one thing you won’t find inside a McRib is bones. The absence of any detectable “rib” is what gives the unnutritious mush its “quirky sense of humor,” says McDonald’s U.S. marketing director.
Is that really humorous?
“…and that’s when I get to wondering, what would happen if I told her she something good, ever day?” Abilene, the Southern nanny, wonders about the little girl she cares for in Kathryn Stockett‘s, The Help.
So everyday she tells the little girl, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” We may not have a nanny named Aibilene that tells us this everyday, but why can’t you be your own advocate? Your own self-esteem booster. Your own best friend.
Here’s the plan. I DARE YOU to try it this new year.
Find a mantra and believe it. Tell yourself everyday that you are kind, that you are smart, that you are important. Settle for nothing less.
You will need to do a few other exercises to enhance this. You owe it to you.
1. Get up 10 minutes earlier and WRITE down 3 things that you are grateful for. That you feel blessed about. FIND IT>
2. Before you go to bed at night, write down 3 things that were GOOD about the day. Big, small, whatever. Just find 3 positives.
3. Tell someone they are special to you. Ask a friend to lunch, make a visit to someone in need.
4. Take time for your self-to affirm your importance. One hour each week, just for you. Accept nothing less.
You may find yourself rolling into the next year with fresh perspectives and a stronger view of yourself within. It benefits everyone when they have a stronger, more confident you. What do you have to lose??
Here’s to a kinder, smarter, more important 2012.